Fiction: Fight Test

I felt like doing something a little different tonight.  Short and sweet you could call it.  If you feel so inclined, listen to Fight Test by The Flaming Lips.  It’s a good song.

I thought I was being smart.  That’s what they always tell you, isn’t it?  Not to fight?  That’s what they always told me at least.  No reason to fight.  It’s better that way.  Don’t allow yourself to be provoked.  Don’t let your feelings take over.  Just remain calm.  Just be cool.

So when that day came, the day when he came to fight me, I thought I knew what to do.  I thought I knew what was right.  I just stepped aside.  I stepped aside because in the end everyone would see that I was right.  I was the responsible one.  He was the fool.

I didn’t realize it then, but to fight would have been to defend.  If I didn’t do it then, when would I?  Would there ever be a time that was right?  Would there ever be a time when I would stand up and be a man?

You see, I could have accepted losing.  If I stood there and fought him and lost, I could have lived with that.  That would have been…  But I didn’t.  I just surrendered.  And look at me now.  I still weep.  I regret that moment.  I was the fool.

I was no longer a child.  I was a man.  I don’t think I understood that at the time.  I can’t keep running from my problems.  There are things you just can’t avoid.  There are things that you’ll have to face and, sometimes, you won’t be prepared to face them.

If I could go back, and do it all over, believe me, I would, but does it really matter at this point?  You are with him and I’m where I am.  No, it wouldn’t matter.  It wouldn’t do any good.  Yes, I should have fought him, but I didn’t.  I let him… I let him take it.

And standing here now, looking at the sky above me, I realize I don’t know where the sunbeams end and the starlight begins.  I don’t know how a man decides what’s right for his own life.  It’s all a mystery.

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